Questions to Let Go Of

When I “search” do I really “find?” And in this searching, what is it that “I” am looking for? I am not looking for anything but something that can easily be described as “nothing.” I am in constant flux with my conditioning of “needing to know” something that does not exist yet is inherently evolved within my core of consciousness. My mind is only a tool to use in this dream I play out as reality, daily. Today there is no “me” yet “I” continue to create scenarios in which I believe are real. These fears are an illusion that I create as a burden upon the “nothing” that I AM…for if I have fears, then my ego is telling me that I must be something to exist in this illusion of reality.
Some call this the work of a prophet and yet that is a label too. This pen writes nothing. This paper holds not a word to remember that which is already known. Everything is redundant ~ like a continuous replay on the screenplay of our lives. We repeat patterns until we realize they never worked to begin with. This really isn’t about the word “we” either…for that, too, is merely a projection that doesn’t exist. I feel lost yet found, here yet gone, “one” yet separated into a thousand fragments of what I believe to be real. What is the Truth if the truth is not of mind? People write about it, meditate on it, dance to it, live for it,…we do everything to obtain something that just IS…like this, now, and it, too, has been given a name…TRUTH…a story of “remembering.” I have written about it many times…just as I do here, now. What karma would send me on a journey that repeats itself through eons and eons of lifetimes only to be searching for the same thing? And why, I ask, why am I here if “here” is an illusion anyway?
Ok~ so for the sake of healing, I feel more “whole” yet what is “Truth” contains no “dis -ease” and therefore no separation was ever made so all of this “healing” and “working to become whole” is another creation of the mind. My thoughts portray the abundance of illusion I carry within…otherwise I would not feel I need to impart words of wisdom on paper because wisdom needs no words at all. Some would call this part of me crazy ~ that my connection to my Higher Self is a phenomenal discharge of right brain activity in the absence of societal acceptance.
Well, all that is illusion too, my friend. Go ahead and try to make sense of it all. Put it all in a little box with a red bow and open it up when you are ready to receive the real gift of freedom. You will not need to even bother then because it was freedom, in itself, whom wrapped the gift. You see…you, me, I, we ~ are all the same. We chant the same songs, play the same games, ask the same questions. And with that, I say I love you because you are me and we are one with divinity. So why do we fight? Why have our egos become the masks that we wear as an identity that lies to our very “Self?” I want nothing to do with this egotistical mask I have created as “face.” I want “nothing,” this is all, and when I know that there is no “looking” needing to happen, I will have “everything” I have always had inside. And what will you have, my friend? Maybe another question to let go of…
(from my journal 5/24/03)